I’ve been watching a show called The Affair with my wife recently, about two people who leave their good spouses and good relationships and crash together in a twisted mess leaving tons of wreckage behind. This has got me thinking on humanity, and the many mistakes people make and what drives people to do such things….
Tell me you haven’t looked at another person and thought “I think I could possibly fall in love with them. I wonder what life would be like with them.” If you tell me you haven’t had these thoughts, I’ll call you a liar. These are the unspoken thoughts that many of us in marriages and relationships dare not breathe. I’m an open book, I keep an open line of communication in regards to my innermost feelings, and that’s what seems to work for me. I’m not naive, and I hope my wife is not naive enough to think our minds don’t wander.
I’ve met quite a few women over the years, there may or may not be a few on my social media, that I think sometimes. “She’s amazing, we think so much alike. I wonder what life would be like with her, I could probably love her.” These are thoughts, nothing more than thoughts, I cannot ever afford to go down the rabbit hole of entertaining them, because thats when people get hurt. I don’t care if I get hurt, I learn from hurt, I grow comfortable in my hurt, and I get creative in my pain. However, I cannot afford to live with the pain that I feel from hurting others, there is no worse feeling to me.
I sometimes wish that I could clone myself for these women that I see hurt, that I could live life through multiple experiences and live in love with each one of these beautiful souls. I am far from perfect, I am a drawn out drama of insecurity, depression, anxiety, and sometimes selfishness. But, I know my intentions are good, I know that I care on a deeper level, and know that I would never hurt another person intentionally. I wish I could clone my wife too, and let all of these other good men have a woman as beautiful inside and out and with such a wonderfully caring huge heart as hers. I feel blessed and yet unworthy.
I look at these women like I look at pictures of far off exotic places and say “I wish I could go there one day”, and know that I’ll never have the intention of doing so. I can’t leave my paradise at home. I’m humble enough to know that I have a beautiful blessing and its only our own sinful desire to want more, when we’ve already been blessed with more than enough. I can go to those exotic places that I see in pictures, just long enough that my home life doesn’t suffer. I can only do so, because nobody gets hurt. I can never go to those women that my mind wanders about. I have made a vow to protect and cherish a beautiful heart, and I take my vows seriously.
This is what every man and woman needs to consider deeply before letting their fantasies take a stranglehold on their minds, until they eventually act upon them. It’s ok to be honest and open, to be fragile, and loving, but its never ok to hurt someone else out of our own selfishness. Every world religion is based in these thoughts, the Bible speaks on it, the golden rule, or even I’m reminded of the Wiccan Rede:
“Bide the Wiccan rede ye must, in perfect love and perfect trust,
Eight words the Wiccan rede fulfill: Ye harm ye none, do as ye will.”
And that is the only formula that we need follow in this life, live free, do whatever we please, as long as it harms no one else.
“I only have one thing to do and thats be the wave that I am and then sink back into the ocean”, Fiona sings in the intro song to the series.
Thats it. Humanity is an ocean, each of us are waves, we work together, we appreciate one another, we move in sync or we move apart, but if we crash we sink back into the ocean. My wife is my crest and I her valley, and as we move we trade places as the currents drive us, but we always flow together. This is the way it should be. We may all be connected, and I may appreciate the force and similarity that I share with other waves, but she is my driving force, and I am hers until we crash on the shore of life together at the end of the ocean.