Four speaking engagements in two weeks!? For me, that’s unheard of, but it’s happening now. See, I was the type of shy kid growing up that couldn’t talk to anyone I didn’t know very well, especially a female without being drunk. Get me drunk though and I’ll talk to a whole crowd about all kinds of shit. It made me a social Superman.

When we step into recovery and change our lives we’re called to address those character defects that made us drink or drug in the first place. I don’t know about you, but I’m put on this Earth to grow. My spiritual beliefs actually tell me that growth is my duty, and the root cause for my existence here in this world.

Growth is uncomfortable and sometimes we must force ourselves into uncomfortability in order to evolve and grow. Listen, if growth is scary to you then you just might be closer to relapse than you’d like to admit. As long as we’re clean we are faced with two choices: try to fight through recovery with our own willpower (which seldom works), or evolve and grow spiritually ever day thereby putting as much space between ourselves and the drug as possible. If drugs and alcohol wrecked your life like it did mine then you should want to take ANY precautions to make sure you never go back. Which includes being uncomfortable until it becomes comfortable.

I was attending the Rage Against Addiction Memory Walk/Run this past weekend, but I wanted to do more than just participate, I wanted to contribute. I felt as though I had something to offer that community. I quickly wrote several verses of spoken word to speak and then contacted the woman in charge of the event and locked it in. I did this immediately before I could change my mind. Why? Because it terrifies me and I wanted to make it hard for me to back out of.

Sometimes, we must force ourselves into these situations, and fight internally with ourself in order to force growth. On top of just speaking it, I committed to memorizing it in three days without reading it off of a piece of paper. I had panic attacks for those three days leading up to the event. I stepped up to the microphone with trembling hands and a shaky voice and pretty much nailed it.

The feeling afterwards was extremely liberating. I felt like David that had just slain Goliath, except that the monster I had slain was inside me. This is what we are called to do!

That monster inside me was fear, and I confront it as often as possible nowadays. I feared heights so I went skydiving and hiked mountains. I fear people’s opinions of me, so I tell everything about myself, I put it all out there. Everything I find myself fearing I immediately confront, because I want growth. I know that growth puts more distance between me and the old me, and I want as much distance as possible between me and that animal.

Is it easy public speaking after four times in one week? Barely. It just barely gets easier each time, but just like the gym and anything else in life….we must do it in repetition until one day it becomes second nature. Then one day we look back and smile at how far we’ve come! 😁

I urge you all to go out and grow today, push your limits, you were born to Evolve!!