Fear & Babies

Let’s Talk About This Pic Real Quick:

This Picture Represents Overcoming Fear. This Is My Beautiful Niece-in-law (if that’s a word 😜). I Used To Be Terrified Of Babies, Not Only Holding Babies But Just Being In A Room With Them. Nooooooo, I Wasn’t Scared That I’d Want One. I Was Scared That I’d Hurt One. Babies To Me Represent Fragility, They Are The Most Delicate Things, And I Don’t Trust Myself When It Comes To Screwing Anything Up. Especially Something As Precious And Irreversible As A Baby.

So When I Say This Picture Represents “Overcoming Fear”, It Represents Her Overcoming Her Fear Of Me, And Me Overcoming My Fear Of Me. I Walked Into The House To The Sound Of Her Bawling, I Entered The Room As She Was Screaming, I Was Handed Her As She Was Crying And Screaming, And Within Thirty Seconds I Was Able To Comfort Her To Silence.

I Could Only Do So Because I Was Comfortable Myself. After All These Years, I Have Finally Grown Comfortable Holding Babies. It’s Not That I Overcame Some Fear Of Babies, Instead….It’s That It’s Taken Me Years To Develop A Trust In Myself That I Can Do Things Without Screwing Them Up. I Made A Huge Mess Of My Life For Awhile, So Something As Simple As Holding A Baby Seems Like Quite The Risk For Me.

This Is How I Try To Approach All Of Life’s Fears. I Was Afraid Of Heights, Yet I Could Ride Rollercoasters Or Airplanes. It Wasn’t Until I Realized That It Was Only Heights That I Could Control My Fate On That Scared Me. Such As Standing On The Ledge Of A Building Or The Edge Of A Cliff. I Wasn’t Afraid Of The Height Itself, I Was Afraid Of My Reaction To It. I Didn’t Trust My Own Legs To Stand Still. Would They Buckle And Let Me Fall, Would They Spring Me Forward For No Reason, Would I Make A Split Second Irreversible Decision To Jump?

These Things May Sound Asinine, But Remember I’ve Lived A Life Where My Mind And Heart Consistently Went In Different Directions. Through Addiction, I Made Stupid Spur Of The Moment Decisions That Almost Every Fiber Of My Being And Shred Of Sanity In My Mind Knew Was Wrong. I Did That From Childhood On Up. You Learn Quickly Not To Trust Yourself.

There Comes A Time In Your Life Where You Must Learn To Love And Trust Yourself Again To Be Happy. I Force Myself To Face My Fears, I Put Myself In These Unconfortable Situations. I Step Out Onto The Ledge Of Life, Knees Buckling, And Realize That I Can Do Anything.

This Beautiful Little Baby, Like Everything In Life Can Teach Us More Than We Can Ever Teach It, If We Are Open To Receiving It’s Blessings. Your Biggest Obstacles Are Always Within.